I was bitter…
until I wasn’t.
I resented you…
until I didn’t.
Well, maybe I still do just a tad. But I think I’m allowed to feel that way.
You see, I constructed a castle. There’s tall stone fortifications and a beautiful moat surrounding my creation. I’ve spent years of my life building myself this grand monument.
And I told myself that no one, no one, would destroy the one thing I created just for me.
And then I let you…
I tore down some of those pillars for you and placed a bridge over my moat and I let. you. in.
I didn’t want to. Not at first. But I told myself that I should give it a shot this time. That I should consider peering through the arrow loops and look beyond.
I trusted you…
…until I didn’t. And that has made all the difference.
You weren’t even entitled to take something from me. You didn’t even KNOW me. You led me on like a dog on a leash and I tore down walls for you.
I reached out knowing I might face rejection to understand you.
And you took. And took. And took.
I am a giver, you see. In relationships, I give until there is nothing left of me but a skeleton of your shadow that I allow to cast over me because I’ve built you so high in my mind.
You were not that great and I will be the first one to not tell you that.
I do not stoop. I do not bend to your level. I build higher and stand a little taller.
And now it’s back to the drawing board. Here I will build my fortress a little taller and my moat a little wider and start to feel okay again.
Hell, I might even stay here forever. Like Hagrid says, “What’s coming will come, and we’ll meet it when it does.”